hello hello. the week has been a busy one, next week will be another busy one. im suddenly stuck in a situation where i hafta choose between a possibly enriching and beneficial life ahead, or a slack around, do whatever i want life. i don't know what i want, if only there was a balance of both. anyhoo, school has been fun! liteng and i had a fun time chilling at THE void deck, while fel mari and junqi pangsehed us! hahaha okay anyway i hope school and things will get better, and that i'll make the right decision, one that i won't regret as much as the other! :/ for now, here's to my dear tuition pal, laughing and talking about everything girl, CHERYL ANG!








































here's to many more tuition classes on weekends, chats on the phone, you picking up the phone and listening to me complain about endless things, helping me to make decisions, and always being here to listen to anything under the sun! :D

oh and i cut my hair!! :D

being really unhappy and worried about certain things has made me realised how i have really made the wrong decision in certain things and i can't exactly turn back now.

hellohello! it's 5.18pm and im homeeee! isn't that amazing!! it's been such a long while since i've been home this early and im pretty happy cuz i kinda miss the feeling of staying at home at the time when the sun's yellow rays shines through the curtains of my room and getting to watch bewitched and hopefully nanny on hallmark from 6-7pm! hmm school was such a bore today though. everyone left early towards the end of the dayyy! :( ness wasn't here, mari and fel left aft lit, so only junqi liteng and i went for econs and math lecture! and during math terrible junqi pangsehed us to sit with her friend so liteng and i ended up aloneee! haha but it was quite fun, talked alot about alot of people! haha! ooh and i had a terrible headache today, i tink it was cuz i listened to the talk about the bone marrow donation thing. and junqi was a brave girl todayyy! she signed up to donate! i don't think i'll ever have the guts to! ooh but pe was so super slackk! did nothing except sit around! ahh okay i need to go noww! noodles are calling! goodbye people!

i finally met and caught up with my dear cheryl today! was actually so tempted to go home and sleep cuz i felt so drowsy from having a flu but since i haven't seen this girl in such a long whileee, i just had to go down! talked alot today, it's like verbal vomit about everything and anything under the sun! think what mr au said is true, we keep things inside for one whole week, and then when we finally meet up at the end of the week we spill everything to each other! haha! well besides that, school was pretty much the same today! junqi said i was mad during math lecture today though! :/

oooh and good luck mox for touchrug tmr! im sure you can do it and gain recognition! all the best!

well this week hasn't been going too good though, especially falling sickk and not being able to see someone on friday, which means for the whole of the rest of this week! rawrs!! please tel me next week will be better! :/

Heaven bend to take my hand and lead me through the fire. be the long awaited answer. to a long and painful fight.

hello to many more emo insomnia saturday nights to come. sometimes i wonder if alcohol really helps.

this is the first time in the week i managed to get more than 5 hours of sleep, watched tv, use the computer proper to blog and do other things and go out on a proper date (meaning dinner and walking around). well the past few days have really been taxing with council, stayed back every day of the week, but it wasn't that bad, it was nice getting to know new people better. (:

well today im missing econs tuition and off to school for council again, rehearsal for invest, and then off to my cousin's wedding. im not very fond of that cousin of mine but im obliged to go and attend anyway. and the worst thing is, i dun really have anything to wear actually..should have bought that zara dress that dayy! then at least i would have something presentable!! ahh okay i shall just go scout around my closet later!

ooh and does anyone know when one tree hill is on starworld? can't seem to find my cable tv guide! think they din deliver it or something!

ahh okay i think school's driving me nuts! as in just everything about school! some people in school are really starting to annoy me alot (and i dun get annoyed with people v often)! i think it's just in their character, but it's really surprising cuz they come from very good secondary schools and i dunno how or why they actually turn out like that. didn't anyone in those secondary schools teach them anything??? i guess some people just live in their own little worlds where they're only concerned with themselves!

oh wells i dunno, everything's in a mess. i think i am rather confused. arghhh.

yesterday was another interesting dayy! ((: school was slack, we ended at like 12.3opm. headed down to dover with ness, fel, mari, junqi to dover market for lunch. becky and amirah were supposed to join us but changed their minds last minute. well so anyway, i've never ever been to dover market, and never ate at a hawker centre without my mum, so it felt quite weird. but the food and sugarcane juice was good! we decided to go to the playground after that, and i sat on the swinggggg! (: i don't know about you all out there, but swings give me the carefree feeling? hmm oh and then ness and junqi climbed up this stone thingy, and i was terrified of heights and din really want to but did it eventually. kinda scary, was so scared i'd fall suddenly! took funny pictures with funny poses! hmm shall post it up as soon as i get the photos from ness, or you can go see her blog if she's updatedd!

hmm went off to meet him after the little playground thingy! we were supposed to go to the airport actually, but he got caught up in school so we decided to do something else different. took a train to marina bay to see what there was there, and it turned out there was nothing but a hot and humid deserted park that hardly anyone goes to! went to habour front next, and it was soooo freaking crowded!! there wasn't anything nice there, only new york pizza which sold cheap and yummy pizzas that come with a chicken wing and a drink! hmm so anyway, after that there was still so much more time to spare, and we decided to take a train all the way to changi in anycase and take back. but since we were at changi, we got off and took a walk in the airport. went to the viewing gallery! at long last, i've been wanting to go there ever since before prelims? hmm but it was quite disappointing, they renovated it and it looks different, you can't see the planes upclose anymore! hmm then we took a trolley and he pushed me around with it but we couldn't really go very fast cuz it was so packed with people! hmm then talk abit about some stuff, i think it must have been our first face to face heart to heart talk. hmm i think i felt better about being honest. (:

well then, it was time to go homeee!

hmm i think this will prob be my last eventful day! next week will be filled with so many council things to do! im gonna get home at like ave 8-9pm! and im gonna miss him as welll! ahhh okay shall see how the week goes! till then!

yoohoooo! exams are over!!! finally some time to rest and do whatever i like. anyways the last 2 days have been very fun i must say! i dunno whether it's cuz i've been so deprived of going out for weeks, or is it because i just like going out with you and spending time together! :D

well on tues i met him, was quite a last minute decision but it was fun anyway! went to subway and had a sandwich and then we talked and talked and there was just like endless talking to do. and ytd we went to marina square. and there was this longines watch fashion show, and all the chic and rich people were there. and we kinda sneaked in to check out the watches, and realised that they were very extravagantly priced! each watch was like 9 million i think. oh and then we realised that it's quite easy to steal the watch also cuz the security wasn't very tight. ooh and marina square is probably like the best shopping place there is! there's like mango, topshop, dorothy perkins, miss selfridge, zara and dunno what else. it's like all the nice shops in orchard combined into one shopping centre! oh and to top it all off, marina has carl's junior, and loads of other nice places to eat at and a really big open space to walk around. okay it wasn't my first time going to marina but i never noticed all these things abt marina.

well anyway the chairs at marina cinema were comfy, and we sat on one and watched the movie previews! and then we went to catch superman returns! not too bad a show, but so lengthy!! i got quite restless towards the end of the show.

hmm so that kinda sums up my two days! bye for now!

sometimes you fight so damn hard for something you want, something that you think will make you feel better. but then you realise that in the process you compromise on other people's happiness. that's when you take a step back, and realise that maybe you just can't have things your own way all the time. there are times when you would rather see other people be happy, even if that means that you have to suffer as well. i've been trying to search for that exact solution for a long time. then i realise that maybe there just isn't a perfect solution, one that fits all. it's just a matter of how you perceive things, which perspective you decide to take and how deep you're willing to let yourself immerse in this. and strangely, sometimes between the harder and easier way, we choose the harder route, even if it means that eventually, you might just be at the losing end. because sometimes your own happiness doesn't take the centre anymore.

it's not always about rainbows and butterflies
it's compromise that moves us along.

these unnecessary chaos.

of all nights i wish i have you here to talk to. at least someone to hear me out.