im so bloody annoyed by someone's indecisiveness! everything was all so happy and rosy, and then nowww!!!! someone chooses to be fickle! and then now it's like my fault that you have to go, and i feel kinda guilty about it somehow. and as it is, i wasn't feeling hyped up abt it, and now that you're doing this, i feel even worse than ever! i just knew things would get this bad!

okay i dun feel like saying anything else. i think everything will just come out negative.

council interviews tmr! im getting the jitters! and i dunno what to say/do or whatever that's required of me. i just know i hafta act confident and hide my nervousness. please wish me all the luck!! :S

school was so tiring. prob cuz of mass pe, which was seriously the worst i've had since erm, school started. then it was lessons all the way. boring. boring.

im seeing more and more people evolve into this ugly side that didn't show up until recently. i think it's scary how they actually change just because they need to accomplish something. it's actually really shallow if you think about it, to forsake your friends and pursue what seems to you to be the most beneficial at the moment. i don't think you'll be happy, especially if your heart isn't pure and you have all these hidden agendas and intentions.

sometimes i admire people who have never come across failed relationships, cuz that's where they are willing to go all out for it without the fear of falling down. it's like there aren't any boundaries to restrict them. but yet people who simply claim that breaking up is no big deal and that you'll get over it instantly are really very naive. and it's very annoying if you say it as though you knew what it was like to be in a relationship. cuz that just emphasises your ignorance. ahh i dunno.

okay that's enough thinking for today. im outt.

maybe for something more true, more genuine, more sincere. i don't think i need your sympathy.

hiphop today!! fun fun fun! i realise it's only fun when the music's damn fast though. walked around with cheryl after that. wanted to go to carl's junior but it was packed so we just settled for subway which was just opposite. and the hilarious conversations, the whinings and complaining and things cheryl say like "i think he's growing fat for me". no comments!

and i met my dear minxin today! ((: haha i saw someone who looked like her from the back and i din know until i walked closer and then i realised it was her! hahaha!

okay tmr's another tiring day, prob only gonna get home at 9 plus.. wish me luck!

it's like 1am and im bored. don't think i can get to sleep so im talking to dear shiyan, who is currently not replying my msn messages fast enough to keep me entertained! so let's see, saturday was a day spent at home, should have been studying, but i was just moping around the house. fell asleep at 3pm, woke up at 5 and watch virtues of harmony and den went to read some econs. thing abt reading econs is that, u understand it, but after a while you forget it. so i dunno what's the point in reading it.

oh i got back my ipod from applecare ytd! they gave me a new one cuz they prob couldn't fix it! so anyway since im so bored i shall elaborate abt dinner at last night. hmm ben was nice to pay for most of the bill! haha although i did feel guilty abt it for a while. well it was fun, nontheless. den it was a trip down to topshop, ben tried on funny shades and hats and he looked stylo and yet odd!

i had dinner late today. like real late. at 10pm? went to newton hawker and the stingray there is goood! but now my hair smells of the hawker fried smell. eeks.

oh mox we shld do dinner on fri. ((:

okay i found out some new stuff and i think im pretty relieved. hahaha! i think that's like one thing off my shoulders! hehhs!

hiphop tmr! can hardly wait! the best part is the musicc! woohooo!

okay shall go shower, den watch full hse if i can't get to sleep.

after hours of whining and whining to cheryl, i feel so much better. i think i've more or less sorted out everything now, i hope. i guess it's just taking a step at a time.

and mox! : i haven't talked to you in ages! i hope you're doing fine! and why are you on hiatus for your blog! den i won't know whats going on in your life anymore! anw we hafta catch up soon w tang and cheryl! like dinner or sth! i miss you girl! i have really alot to say so we really hafta catch up very very soon okay! ((:

i don't know i don't know i don't know....!!! this week has been really really very trying. i don't think so many things has happened in a week to me! and each and every one affected me quite a bit! and i don't know how to handle everything at one shot. today i sat in gp, not really listening to ms tan, and den i started thinking abt everything that has happened, and den i turned to rebecca and said, "i think im really very tired of school". ahh okay i don't know. see! i told you i don't know! things are just not turning out the way i want it to be! it's just wrong, even though everyone says it'll be alright, but i know it's not right, it's just not ideal.


on a lighter note, swensens ice cream for lunch, followed by fish and co. it was just laughing all the way. got home at 10pm, not too bad. ahh okay i tink im off to sleep.

i just wanna say im sorry.

okay im supposed to do my council essay.. but nothing's coming to my mind. rawrs! and im tired. i just wanna lie on my bed and fall asleep right now! tmr's gonna be another taxing day and im gonna be so zonked out and grumpy again!

okay quickie update and i shall be off w my date w my horrid essay! :(

well my apologies if i had been harsh on anyone today. irritable!

today was information overload! didn't i just mention that things were gonna get more and more complicated? WELL IT IS! because of some people who conveniently, unwittingly leaked out stuff. well tmr im just gonna hafta wear a plastic bag over my head because im so darn it embarrassed now! RAWRS! and now im in such a fix, really in deep shit. oh i honestly dunno how to handle this whole mess! it seems to be getting messier and messier!

shooting today with shiyan. i really like going with her cuz while talking to her today, i realised there are actually quite a no. of things that both of us actually think alike! ((: ooh this is the funniest that happened today. we were walking out of the building towards the bus stop after shooting. i looked up at the sky and said

me: hey look. it's like gonna rain soon.
shiyan: oh really? how do you tell?
me: cuz there are grey clouds.
shiyan: oh you mean grey clouds means it's gonna rain?!?!
me: yeah..! din you know that? that's why they say gloomy and dark skies..din you know?
shiyan:no, i never really knew that the clouds were grey.
me: huh how can you?!
shiyan: cuz i only notice the dark skies, not the dark clouds.
shiyan: oh is that how they tell the weather forecast?
me: yeahhh!

haha okay im really falling asleep. and im starting to sound nasal. i hope im not falling sick!

you! fancy shunning your friends in the light of better prospects. horrified and disgusted. shallow would be the most apt word to describe you.

im getting really cranky these days. laughing so much in sch, but yet so terribly broken in a split second. irritable. things, people, situations are getting more and more complicated. sometimes i try to understand everything, but it never works out. and sometimes i think i can talk to cheryl, but i think she's probably too busy with everything else at cj.

but on the other hand. all swimming related things. suntec. swensens. last year's acs barker funfair tickets. city link. cheryl's ipod. your friendster. every other person whom i see now and then that you know. 'the distance' - evan and jaron. 'i'd do anything' - simple plan. kemangan mrt station. city hall mrt. the east side. marine parade. star wars. our conversations spend arguing on senseless things. you, my supposed grand advisor.

to all of the above, everything's got to have an end. so im placing a fullstop to everything that we once used to know, because i think you no longer care.

gp essay. rawrs! im off.

i think i haven't had so much fun in a really long time! pre-funorama and funorama itself was honestly damn fun!

so friday was actually quite a boring day! rebecca amirah and i felt damn bored by the time it was 11am so we went down for lunch and papadi juice and yong tau fu made everything seem better! the rest of the day was spent pumping balloons and helping mrs saw run errands now and then. i left school at about 4 to rush home for piano at 5. it din turn out to be so bad considering i haven't touched piano for a long time! following that, it was down to meet the rest of the class for the sleepover! ate at xiang's budget foodcourt which wasn't budget btw, and bought stuff from seven11. and then when we finally got to xiang's so called budget house, no shit, it wasn't budget at all! high ceiling, a swimming pool, many rooms, walk in wardrobe, glassy concept! haha! so after touring the house, the guys went off to swim! was actually quite tempted to go too but, figured i din really wanna shower in the house, after what joel said about him sensing something was not really right. i got freaked out by that!

anyway the girls just sat around and gossiped a bit. but by the time it was 11plus, rebecca and i felt damn sleepy, but somehow or other, the guys were just too hyper so they kept irritating us! esp kk and xiang, kept tickling me and messing up my hair and taking retarded photos!! and then somehow or other, rebecca and amirah had this weird yoga session and we tricked the guys with the walk to the house route and then this whole pillow fight erupted! and everyone wasn't sleepy anymoreee! so at like 1am, we went outside of the house, sat on the road and took pictures and play games and made a hell load of noise until we decided to get back in before someone comes along to complain! by then i was honestly damn tired and i finally fell asleep but woke up at 5am cuz somehow rebecca and josh were awake and i was wondering what was going on. so i got up but went back to sleep after a while.

so funorama! so many people came! met up with sinwen, and saw her bf and im really very happy for her! and cheryl came too, and really had fun catching up with her! so many things to say every time we meet up! ahh i din really do much actually, just took care of the food stall, walked around, sat and talked shit with xiang. i realise that xiang can be really damn crappy and talks a lot! and his mini explosions. omg. haha! ahh basically funorama was good, it's like a social event too, everyone did you know from hearsay but never seen before, turned up. ahaha!

okay im out.

i just realised how i miss my juniors alot alot! especially after getting their valentine's day note!

hmm after reading joshua's blog i feel quite guilty about everything about the class. i tink we really have to put in our best effort tomorrow in preparing cuz there's honestly a hell load to touch up and all that!

but on a lighter note, it was suntec city with the class today. carl's junior, was so thankful i shared the 2 burger with joel rebecca and amirah. the servings were really huge!! okay i've decided im sick of blogging about the details. basically every day of this week was spent out of school, missing lessons. but at least today i attended lit, econs and math before leaving school. it was painful to sit through all the tutorials but i had to, or i'll get in the habit of skipping class! oh oh i met my sisters' fren at ben and jerry's though. really surprising, like suddenly this person came up and put his arm around my shoulder and i thought it was one of the class guys so i din bother turning around. but only when he opened his mouth then i realised and then it was like epiphany. haha. okay.


many many other things. i think these things die down after a while. and then we just move on with our lives. that's why it's good to keep everything simple for now. sometimes i feel so helpless, seeing friends who really need help spiritually, but i can't find the right words to make them feel better.

behind everything else, is a heart that wouldn't stop bleeding.

the past 2 days have been such a blast! school doesn't even feel like school cuz of all the fun we had! so ytd we went to bbss to sell funorama tix. haha kfc, and walk the line. haha im sorry i din know walk the line would be such a boring show. i saw the postcard and it looked like it had a typical romantic storyline, but i guess i was wrong. hahaha! yes, i knew all of you were restless cuz you all kept shifting! haha okay you shouldn't ask me for recommendations of movies! hahas!

there was valentine's day at ac today! i think it's really a totally different experience, a whole lot more vibrant. haha the funniest part was when the guys came up with the roses! the previous day all the girls were like complaining that the guys are so insincere and ungenerous cuz they said they didn't get us anything, and then when xiang and josh came out of the lift with all the roses, we were like omggg! haha! really damn sweet! but the sweetest was when i somehow lost my rose in the voiddeck during break (bet some weirdo stole it cuz if it had dropped from my bag it would have been around the vicinity but it wasn't!), and i was complaining non stop to xiang during math and then after sch he bought me another one! haha that was really damn nice of him! haha! and everyone else too who came up with gifts for the whole class!

oh and the papadi fruit thingy at the canteen! haha!! i have no idea how rebecca came up with that but it was really so convincing that xiang and shiyan really went to ask the auntie and uncle! and then everyone just burst out laughing and i think all the rest in the canteen really thought we were mad!

oh im so glad they painted one banner today! haha at least that's one less thing to worry.

today was just really fun! all the dedications and all the wishes. but i also realise that sometimes you want something badly, but when it really comes right into your arms, the novelty of it is worn out. haha yeahs.

its down to sc tmr! to sell tickets. hopefully i'll meet up with my juniors! ((:

the close ones will say those are just a pack of lies, get over it. and yet i am so inclined to believe those words all over again. someone save me!

learning to accept things. i know i must have faith and realise His's plans for me eventually. maybe it really ain't that bad anymore. i'll just be praying that i get to stay in ac. ((:

breakfast this morning with my family at cafe cartel. quite amazing that everyone managed to get out of bed and leave the house by 9.30am. breakfast was yummy! french toast, omlette, sausages, bacon and a muffin! the food there's really worth it! got back home and baked after that with my sisters! haha our first time trying to use the oven to bake so we didn't really know how to operate it initially. but the brownies turned out not too bad eventually! maybe i should try it on my own and bake for the class one day.

oh and stupid mr aw made me sign a contract to acknowledge that i know what homework i have. said i'll eventually forget to do when he sees me the next time round. rawrs!

oh went out ytd with mox eli wan and cheryl after results. i know, my bad. and i apologise for everything. it wasn't meant to turn out like that. sorry. i'll try to make it up to you all!

verbal vomit last night. many things that weren't meant to be said. but it's like an accumulation over the months of many many many things that made me realise what kinda mindset i wanna have. i guess sometimes we realise things that others don't. and we just keep it to ourselves cuz we're afraid what we say might cause a disapproval from the rest. yeah that's exactly how it is.

i spilled out everything today. despite saying i wouldn't tell my results. ooh gosh. im like seriously lousy when it comes to these kinda things! but i know you'll never understand.

dinner later. my family apparently wants to celebrate the good results, but honestly, i don't think it is anything great. shall go catch a nap or i'll be damn sleepy later.

and i stupidly told you everything, even though i know you don't care anymore.

okay i shall do a really quick update before heading off to shower. okay so WEDNESDAY! went to sell tickets at tkgs. shiyan was damn funny, oh wait, correction so funneh! she wanted to take a picture of the greenery at tkgs! walked around and tried to sell my tickets to the lower sec peeps but in the end only one girl bought, and all the rest said they had cca on that day or sth. sat around and slacked in the tk canteen. den left for town and took neos with the rest. damn hilarious la, like they keep making fun of shiyan's height and 8 of us cramped into one neoprint!
oh and my classmates now know abt my little secret, but it's good cuz they can help me out a bit i guess. ahh but i think some things will never be meant to be. mmm! it was far east kfc aft xcountry. that was honestly damn funny! the things people do and say, and sometimes it's just watching my classmates' reactions and facial expressions that really crack me up. i think it's good that every class outing, there'll always be something to laugh at/with.

so today, hmm i actually felt damn guilty for skipping shooting trg to go to holland v. oh man, i think i honestly need more discipline! much much more discipline! managed to check out the funfair prizes, honestly, i think the stuff at party w us ain't cheap, and a bit overpriced. but oh wells. bk for late lunch. daidee and bridge after that. bridge was sucky. haha i think whoever partnered me was probably damn exasperated cuz i was kinda clueless on what to do. left at abt 7 for home. damn early. one of the earliest nights of the week.

o results tmr. i really dunno. like im damn scared, and i honestly have no real indication of how i did because it happened really way back then. and i think i wanna leave things up to God. like i think i should trust in Him and all that. but i think i cannot help feeling nervous all the same.

but i do know there's one person that i wouldn't wanna tell my results to. and i think it is justified to do so. hmm.

i think im really growing to like my class alot. not that i never did in the first place, but spending time with them always makes me smile and laugh alot! like everyone's so unique in their own special ways, and they aren't like superficial or anything. i think i am really damn thankful for such a great class.

hmm yeahs. okay shall get off.

i realise how i am actually falling into your intended trap. it scares me, cuz i don't think this has ever happened to me, like i've never felt this way. ahhh im confused!

loadsa things happened today. both realisations and events wise. but i shall blog abt it tmr. ((:

the one and only time when you would come up to me to talk to me, something you haven't done in ages. and it is that moment when you say things that make me wanna dislike you even more. but you know what's funny. i know that eventually i will still forgive you in future for everything that i found irritating.

and when the stars fall i will lie awake.
you're my shooting star.

school was such a bore today. i just realised how much more boring it is not to have pool pe and sit around and slack. especially at the start of the day. it just makes you even more lethargic for everything else. hmm i got irritated during lit today, for a really ridiculous reason actually. hmm.

so rebecca, amirah and shiyan wanted to go for the topshop sale today. so i just went along with them and joel and the band people came along as well. the sale wasn't too bad, the earrings were really a good buy but some of them weren't really appealing so i din get anything in the end. walked around warehouse after that and rebecca got a preeetty green top for 19 bucks after using her voucher! not too bad huh, considering it's warehouse!

dinner after that at mos burger. met cheryl coincidentally w her classmates and she came over to say hi. decided to meet her when the rest left for band and then walked around and her other friend came after a while. sat at coffeebean and talked shit and laughed. it was good company! ((:

so that was my boring day. okay not that going out is boring, but blogging abt it seems boring.

okay but today was a day of discovery for a lot of things.

falling faster and harder.

well let's just say that sometimes things change and revert back to normal, and then they change again and revert back again. it's a never ending cycle. so when this cycle happens far too often, wouldn't you want to take a step back and just let it change once and for all? honestly, it's tiring.

okay im finally in the mood to blog about everything. okay let's start off with FRIDAY! so friday was a really short day at school, only thing is my group completely din prepare anything for lit so it was kinda embarrassing. went out with the class for games and lunch at settlers. learnt new games and laughed hard at the blockade game. but i kinda felt moody for a period of time, like when we were playing the card game. haha weird. so after which it was down to party with us where they had amazing never seen before things. i felt so ignorant gashing over all the stuff that they had. shrek was nice to treat us to strips of airhead though! michael's concert. impressive i would say. michael did a superb job on the breakdancing, and the guitar playing in the band. well the little concert itself was inspiring i would say, just hearing michael's friend and his experience of getting to know God better was touching. i think it really speaks to a lot of christians out there. well supper after that with the rest. wasn't too bad, just that we resorted to eating at the hawker centre. after that i was so completely zonked out when i got home.

SATURDAY! lunch with family at tung lok at east coast. mmmm the food was great! i realise it's kinda like a tradition for us to go there once during the cny period! the yu sheng is really much better than the rest of the restaurants i've been to. and the wasabi prawns are like damn nice! great world city after that. my one and only chance to visit zara for the week but didn't really find anything nice! then we returned home, watched tv for half an hr den had to get dressed down to town for dear cheryl's bday. we decided to have it at nydc, and it was surprisingly quiet! but it still felt great catching up with both cheryl and mox! i haven't like spoken to them in ages face to face! and we talked about all the weird people in jc, and the odd things that they did. haha it really feels like back to the past where you can just say anything without being afraid of getting laughed at! chingay parade was on though, catch glimpse of it, ain't anything big. just floating stuff that were really colourful. but i guess it suits the cny mood. oh yeah and we took lotsa pictures at nydc too! ((:

okay i wanna go cut my hair today, but there isn't anyone to accompany me! :(

okay before i start off blogging about my day. i just wanna say HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL! haha well i've decided to do a shoutout for her after all that she has done for me. so here it goes: cheryl! i've known you for like close to 6 years, we go back to the days of psle. but strangely, i never really got to know you very well till sec3-4. well just wanna say thank youuu so much for everything! all the phone calls to hear me whine and complain about people that i didn't like, for the reassurance when i din really liked sch for some time, for the times when i had so many cold wars with him, and especially when he finally left and i felt like shit, well you stood there just listening, even if your comments weren;t constructive sometimes. it feels good to at least know that there's at least someone who thinks the same way as me about things, and especially about the way we analyse people's characters. its been a really good 2 years spent in sec3-4 and thanks for all the hiphop classes too! that was great fun and we should do it soon! well i hope you'll haf fun! you're like finally a year older so must be more matured yeah! (:

well michael's concert... it wasn't too bad. okay im us too tired. i shall just blog everything tmr.

okay i think there's like much to blog about but i don't really know where to start. well, char has left for china! :(:( went to the airport to send her off with sinwen, jiaa, and mr aw (who gladly picked us up from wisma and gave us a lift there and back!). okay we had loadsa fun laughing at the airport but when we finally said our goodbyes to char, turned our backs, and turned back again to watch her walk away, i couldn't help but cry. char hasn't been one of my closest friend, but she was a really good friend. one who could just listen to my problems regardless of the fact that we aren't the best of friends. i mean how many people today, will actually take time to even listen to you whine or complain about things? most people will be just too caught up or self centred to bother about the people around them. so yeah, what i am saying is, char's a really really good friend, and i will really miss her loads!! can't wait for june when she gets back! but meanwhile i hope she'll really have fun over there and we won't drift so badly!

anyway ytd was damn hectic. went down for shooting and then down to town to meet cheryl and her crazy frens again. i thought they were going to send char off, but they din in the end! anyway they're like damn crazy, like they do the craziest things like pretend to yawn and pull out people's hairtie in the process and take picture of themselves and put it as the wallpaper of your phone! hmm but i think certain things are excessive though. mmm.

so today i felt like shit. like honestly. i think it was partly cuz of how char had left and i was tired from seeing her off, and a whole lot of other things put together. i was honestly damn moody. ahh shit i should never ever take my emotions with me to school man.