hello the hols are coming to an end pretty soon. i've got ogl camp left and then it'll be xmas! (: this hols has been pretty unproductive. all the plans that i've made haven't materialised, and it seems like more important plans on making things better have actually gotten worse.

its the whole thing about not knowing what will be right and wrong. i've held back my tongue on many things, cuz i know saying it would affect you also. but sometimes i feel that i cannot take it, its affecting me so badly that sleepless nights have become a norm. its not you being like that that makes me feel terrible, its knowing you're like that and not knowing what to do. im sorry for everything i've caused. i really am.

well there's this growing fear in me and i dunno what to do about it. its so funny how you can feel so much about something but not put it in proper words. haha i just read all my old entries, and what i said about so many things back then. somehow what i said seems to be coming more and more realisitic. CRASH AND BURN!