hello i dunno why but i really feel so jaded about __________. i keep thinking why why why do i feel this way? issit cuz of ___________, or just cuz it saps up all your time and energy? i really feel like giving up, and i know i should haf a long time ago and i dunno why but everytime i actually get round to blogging, i blog about this again. can you see the extent to which its haunting me now? it's a decision between giving up, letting my guilty conscience seep in after that, OR just going ahead and believing that maybe things won't be that bad afterall. i ahte this you know. i've been through this shit for like the past four years of rc in sec sch and now i dunno how i got myself back into this shit again.

sighh anyway the china trip really got me thinking about quite a number of things. how i regret doing so many things this year, some of which i really regret with all my heart, and others i don't know whether it really will be a blessing in disguise or it'll be a heartbreak in the end. sometimes you just question if everything is all worth your time and effort? and if that experience is actually going to count towards your developement, or is it just going to leave you shattered and afraid to trust again. who can say that what we have today will ultimately be forever, everlasting? or you could also say maybe we are just meant to live life to the fullest, even if the decisions we make will eventually be our biggest downfall. some say if you feel the pain and hardship of love, then what you have is true love. because only when it matters to you, does it mean that it's genuine and existing.